i have a job

yep that’s right.  the interview went well and i start work on monday.  i am a little nervous, a whole lot of excited and a fair amount of stressed out (just because its hapening so quickly and there are lots of moving parts that must be coordinated).  i am very greatful and humbled that i have this job.  i know that this is a good company which means that its good employees which will mean a good work experience for me. which, quite frankly, i need.

goals

so i am reading this book on “transitions”.  in it, it describes how most people go through a transition around their early 30′s and make a change or adjustment from early adulthood to you-are-in-the-thick-of-it adulthood.  this notion really stood out for me and so i was curious how i am making this transition of my own compared to what i thought it would be like.  to do that i’ve dug out 3 sets of written goals that i did for myself and i have been looking at them to see what i have accomplished, what i could care less if i accomplished it, what i haven’t gotten done, and what has changed for me.  one of the set of goals is 7 years old, the other is at least 2 years and the third is maybe less than a year old.

it is striking some of the similarities between them, and it is good to see some differences.  now all i need to do is to be honest with myself (gulp) and make a new set of goals that have some roots in the old ones, but help me take a step forward into my settled (can’t think of a better term here) adult life.

i have an interview

tonight, the first and only real tangible opportunity for a job since january and it has my head spinning.  the interview is with a company that i formally worked with and a company whom quite honestly i would love to work for again, the fact that they even called me for an interview makes me happy and excited.  they treated me really really well, and in return i worked really really hard for them but i enjoyed working hard for them- something that has been lacking in my career as of lately.  they support their employees and respect them, offer them oppportunities and mentor them.  they have exciting large projects and are multi-disiplinary so they can take hits harder and risks more often.  did i already say that it is a great company?

so i am not really sure how you go on an interview with a company that you’ve already worked at.  one of the two people conducting the interview knows me, and i know that they’ve already gotten the low-down on me from other people in the company- so its weird because it is new, yet very familiar.  its hard to know how comfortable to be with these people- or i guess more accuratley put- how comfortable they are going to be with me.

i have a few worries in my mind already about why i wouldn’t get the job.  one of them is because of a computer software that i have little to no experience in.  but the mr. says that its a mute point and that i shouldn’t worry about it.  that i have experience in the software, just not this program, and he promises me that he will teach it to me and i will learn quickly (which i completely belive).  i jus thope that this one thing doesn’t kill the opportunity to work with them again.

everything is moving so fast all the sudden with the on set of this interview.  its like my life went from slow motion to light speed, it has me going in so many directions at once that i am starting to feel like i don’t know which end is up.

therapy- transitions

alright so i am in a funk…a fairly big one and its time for me to get out of it.  but how is the big question.  well in talking to my therapist it appears to me that it will have to be dealt with on many fronts.  first i have to get myself occupied with things to do, and then actually do them.  second i have to work on the job search a little more and i have to realize that i am of value and remember what my good qualities are- because to be honest right now i don’t feel worth a whole heck of a lot lately.  third i have to give back to myself some more, which seems easy enough but not when you don’t feel deserving of it.  last but not least i am reading a book that the therapist gave to me about transitions and i am trying to learn something from it.  right now i am supposed to be thinking back to “endings” in my life and then figure out what associations i had with them.  i started this journey last night and started to realize that for a while now alot of my “endings” have not gone well for me and that i am often scared, sad, angry and upset with the endings- so its no wonder that i am having a rough time of this right now.  and what’s more is that i realized i still haven’t had my most recent ending yet- its been drawn out by the fact that i can’t contact other people who would help me make an ending and then move onto the next chapter in my life.  i honestly can’t wait till i get to share some of this with my therapist and see what she has to say about it all.