happy pastures

lets pour some happy energy into something that’s worth it!!!!!  ready set go!

its squashes birthday party this weekend (late yes, but i bribed the child like any other mother would do, so move forward please).  it’s  a go diego go theme, and in an effort to make it super cool to compare to some of the other parties he’s been to this year and not break my checkbook doing it, i’m rolling up the sleeves and letting the creativity flow!

so diego goes around rescuing animals from various parts of the globe armed with a magical backpack and some other gadgets that i am not up to speed on.  so the kiddos will each be given a backpack (aka the goody bag) with a map, a passport, binoculars, flashlights and a compass.  my home will be transformed into a magical land- sporting a cave, a forest mountains and either a desert or an ocean.  the kids have to go around using their maps and rescue beanie baby animals around the house.  we’re pitching the tent, lighting the fire pit and they are roasting s’mores instead of a cake. 

hopefully this magical momma can pull this off….

its so weird

so its near official…i have three pages to sign and then my office will have an official sexual harassment case against them.  and the weirdness to this…on the day that i sign these forms i am informed that i will see a bonus on my paycheck this month.  isn’t that just odd. 

its hard, because sometimes for a split second i think that i’m doing the wrong thing…but then reality slaps me in the face and tells me to grow a spine again.

snow day (or two)

so the kids had school cancelled yesterday, and today- SNOW DAY!  we have about 18″ total so far, and it’s still coming down.  i’m fearful that the MR will not be able to make it home tonight- leaving me in a state of stress and exhaustion to go another week without him around.  i am having a good time with the kiddos, but i have this looming cloud above my head about the work that is not getting done, and as much as i don’t care, its hard to ignore.

so on the subject of work…its not getting better, but it is managing to get worse.  she told me this week that i would not be getting any help for the now two projects i am in charge of (i earned one of those on my own by the way and brought work into the firm- don’t ask why cause i still don’t know what i was thinking), so instead i should just put in the extra time myself and then i can take it off later.  yeah right- like there is a “later” with her.  i can see that now, me going in on monday and saying well since i put in an extra 30 hours last week, i am only going to work 12 hours this week.  yeah right. 

on the somewhat brighter side of things, i did bring in a project on my own (pat on the back) and i’ve officially filed with the state board on sexual harassment and expect that they will be notified that they are under investigation within a couple weeks.  right before the rush of the holidays, i love it.

oh so back to the kiddos.  we’ve been having fun for the most part.  i have so much admiration for my friends who do this full time…i don’t think i could handle it, actually i know i couldn’t.  we’ve decorated the house for halloween and played in the snow a couple of times.  the snowman we made yesterday, is now completely buried so he is no more.  but its supposed to be nice this weekend and so trick or treating should still be fun and the weekend can be enjoyed.

 

btw…how many times do you have to ask a 2 year old to eat with her utensil?

yes i am still here

no i didn’t give up on writing things down- however life has been exceptionally hectic as of late, and thus no writing.  so quick update on the life of me, ms.pumpkinface.

work sucks- and that’s putting it nicely.  as amazing as it sounds my boss (mind you all a woman) told me that there was no merit in my claims of sexual harassment in the office and that the girls should stop cowering in the corner and get a thicker skin.  so i thought to myself, really?  and then i said alright to myself and now have hired a lawyer to help me file an actual claim against my employer in court.  i can’t wait till she finds out- i am hoping against all odds that she is stupid enough to have a knee jerk reaction and fire me- and then i’ll sue her again. 

kiddos are great.  right now they are both cracking my ass up.  they are so funny and silly these days- and i love love love that i am actually stopping and taking time to notice.  however, i am way late on prepping for squash’s upcoming birthday party- i really need to get that nailed down and into action.

the mr. is traveling waaayyyy too much- hence the overly hectic life at the moment.  he has been gone three days a week for the last 3 weeks, and yep he gets to leave again on sunday.  totally sucks, but at least he gets a “reward” out of doing his job- so i have to and i am truly happy to support him….but it still sucks.

pouring energy into other things- i got a slow start but i have started.  i have thrown a good amount of time at the kids, and at the house; but i’ve also found some things at church to invest in.  specifically 2 organizations the green ministry which is aimed at making our church more sustainable (loving this), and the second is a women’s circle that i am in charge of.  not so sure how that is going to go- but i’m going to try my best and see what happens.  oh and this is totally off the subject – but the mr has been asked to be a member of the board of trustees at the church.  i am getting a kick outta this one.

and finally my last few final thoughts and then i am off to bed…our computer crashed, hard.  i have sent off my hard drive to a computer tech in hopes of recovering any single photo i have ever taken of my children.  its rather funny- i never really looked at them but now that i can’t it makes me incredibly sad, here is to hoping i get them back- and then learn to appreciate them more.  secondly because of the said crash- i am now the owner of a moderately priced lap top- on which my nimble fingers type away from my bed right now.  this is exciting to me…because that means i can write more when i want and from where i want.

buena’s noches mis amigos!

okay so i stole the idea

i read an article about our first lady, michelle, and there was a tradition that they have at their dinner table and i’ve stolen it. 

so each evening since i’ve read this article, we have gone around our dinner table and each person has to say what their one good part and one bad part of their day was.  the kids are totally getting a kick out it, and sweetpea thinks it’s so great that she interrupts conversations at any point in the day to ask you (this makes me smile from ear to ear)

i am really enjoying this new concept in our household, thanks michelle!

channeling energy

i’ve made the decision to channel my energy elsewhere.  it seems like a simple idea, no?  however the road to getting to this decision is rather bumpy and i think i’m still driving on it…but at least now i know where its leading to. 

after the painful stint in WY i came home for one night, loved on my kiddos and husband, and then left them again for a long weekend with lifelong friends.  it was a great experience and very eye-opening to me.  something inside me clicked and made me realize how lucky and grateful i should be for what i have.  and in that same instant, i realized all i needed to do was to channel my energy into things that make me happy and count to me rather than wasting it on petty things that in the end will do nothing for me.  it breaks the mold of what i am supposed to do- but who cares?  well, me actually…but i still have to make myself do this- otherwise i will die from the poison of it all.

pillow talk

today went well. i got my work done and it went off without a hitch.  overall i walked away with a sense of accomplishment.  then i came back to the hotel and chilled…i’ve worked hard so i deserve a break.

so here are the things rumbling in my head, before it hits the pillow to go to sleep.

1. i hate that i don’t have cell reception here, its bad enough that i don’t get to talk to J or the kiddos alot while i am here, but its worse that when i do i have to drop the call due to crappy reception or the call just drops me and i loose service for a half hour.
2. i miss my kids.  i want to hug them and squeeze them, and see their happy little faces.  at this point i’d even prefer their whining and tantrum throwing personalities, if it just meant i could be around them.
3. i’ve decided i hate my job.  there i officially said it and declared it.  i hate my job.  i know i can’t throw it away, but damnit i am not going to let it posses me anymore- life is too fucking short for this shit.
4. i like to say the word fuck when i am in a foul somewhat melancoly state of mind
5. reason i’ve declared my hatred for the job- the little sexual harassing mother fucking prick in the office is being rewarded by being allowed to represent the company on a golf outing for one of our biggest clients, and of course i have to be there with him.  i am seriously debating dropping out and telling the client why- what the hell do i have to loose?
6. the wine i ordered for dinner had the aftertaste of vomit….i hope the taste goes away….i’ve brushed twice already.
7. no more work this week- just do the basics and wait till next week.  the world will still spin.
8. i love my husband.
9. there is a meteor shower tonight and i am too lazy to go outside to see it- well that and a little afraid of going out in the darkness of wyoming by myself.
10. good night, sleep tight, dream of happy paths to discover and follow.

frumpty frump frump

alright i am sitting in a hotel room in cheyenne and i should be asleep.  instead i have taken a shower, and cried during it- never really done that before- and i’ve reviewed freinds blogs and caught up a bit.  i miss my kids and i miss my husband.  i want to go home. 

what else do i want?  i want new goals, i want solve things at work and then move on. i want to get a clear head.  i hope that my upcoming weekend helps.  after that i want to email my other girlfreinds and get their feedback.  maybe its a bit overboard, but its what i’ve decided i need.

i want to set myself some goals that have nothing to with work and then actually work on them.  as i sit here i realize that one of the main things that irritates me about my mother is that she always complains about wanting to change things and then never actually does it.  guess who else is doing that?  oh why yes my dear its me.  how nice of you to look in the mirror. 

work- i was kinda letting it go tonight but then i got a phone call from a girl there.  she went to the bosses and told them about Erics behavior…to catch everyone up he sexually harrasses the girls in the office- and btw its a woman owned business.  nice huh?  well anyways this will be the 3rd compliant lodged.  i placed the other two.  the bosses have done nothing.  they will continue to do nothing… i think its time to lodge an official complaint with the state.  yep i said it.  am i getting in over my head?  probably.  but i owe it to these girls- they look up to me and they should know that as a woman you don’t have to put up with this shit.

okay sorry for the diversion…what else.  oh yeah, me my goals. i dunno yet.  i wrote some down last year when i was unemployed.  i think i’ll take them with me on my vacation and see where it goes…

i’ll post more later.   time for night night- its an early day tomorrow. with too much work.

stupid cheyenne

i spent all day there yesterday- and have nothing to show for it, but another hand-full of problems and things gone awry that i am left to fix.  it is so exhausting.

i get to spend monday through thursday there next week.  away from my family, chained to work and at the mercy of new problems and issues. 

it sucks.

uneasy feelings

i’ve got this mess stewing in my head.  its been that way for about 2 weeks now and its wearing me out, but i can’t seem to make it go away.  i thought that when i had my yearly review at work that some how it would make things shift one way or the other, and then I could move on.  but that hasn’t happend.  instead i feel almost more confused and unsure of what to do and where to go.  the mr.  says that i need to stop trying to figure it all out and just let it come- to trust that it will all be okay.  i find that concept very hard to swallow.  maybe my vacation in a week will make a difference and shed some light on the matter(s) at hand.  maybe i should trust the mr. since it seems that my approach is getting me no where. 

why is it that whenever i find myself  ‘here’ i feel so alone?